Tuesday, December 2, 2008

"Burning Down the House"

Our readers here at the What Do I Know Grit are some of the best at satire.

Here is my prediction for the rest of the week.

Harper will encourage bonfire rallies outside of Rideau Hall in anticipation of the Governor General's decision not to prorogue the Parliament.

A "disgruntled" junior member of the Bloc Quebecois will be caught under questionable circumstances setting fire to the east block of the Parliament buildings.

Stephen Harper will immediately conclude that the arsonist is part of a broad separatist conspiracy to bring down the government.

Harper will send Pierre Poilievre and Jason Kenney out to ensure that CTV and the other lapdog conservative media outlets unleash a relentless 24 hour barrage of press to claim the NDP and the Bloc are launching a socialist/separatist insurrection.

Harper will bring down the emergency powers of the Emergencies Act (formerly known as the War Measures Act) and he will then suspend civil rights and the civilian courts and invoke the notwithstanding clause of the Charter with respect to any and all decisions made by him and his Ministers under the Emergencies Act.

Since all of our troops are in Afghanistan, Harper will call his dear friend George Bush to see if he can "borrow" a division of mercenaries from Blackwater to quell the insurrection.

Since Bush has nothing to lose and Harper's "War Chest" is so massive, Bush sends 15,000 Blackwater troops into Canada to operate under the sole authority and command of Stephen Harper.

Harper shuts down the internet and bans publications that are not in line with his government.

Canadians rally at CBC headquarters in Toronto in order to preserve the last voice of freedom in the country. Tanks are sent into T.O. and after the crowds have been dispersed and the organizers jailed, the CBC building is razed to the ground.

With the CBC, Toronto Star and TVO all silenced, Ben Mulroney, Mike Duffy and Bob Fife engage in a massive propaganda effort before Stephen Harper calls for a referendum to abolish the silly rules set out in the Constitution Act and in the Charter.

Having gotten rid of the Constitution Act and Charter Harper relocates the seat of government to Fort McMurray Alberta and transforms all of the provinces east of Manitoba into Territories under the jurisdiction of the Confederal government.

Harper then annexes a 200km deep section of land north of the St. Lawrence River from east of Montreal to Baie Comeau and cedes it to the new State of Northern Quebec.

Having successfully lived out his childhood dreams of destroying the Canadian Government and sending the separatists packing, Stephen Harper installs himself as the Sultan of the Athabascan Confederacy and lives out his days looking out with pride from his front porch onto the endless horizon of sludge pits and putrid tar ponds.

December the 6th becomes a national holiday called "Better off with Harper Day".
And there will be order again in the land . . .

(or else!!!).

And now the lyrics:

Watch out
you might get what you're after
Cool baby
strange but not a stranger
I'm an ordinary guy
Burning down the house
Hold tight
wait 'til the party's over
Hold tight
we're in for nasty weather
There has got to be a way
Burning down the house
Here's your ticket pack your bag;
time for jumpin' overboard
Transportation is here
Close enough but not too far,
maybe you know where you are
Fightin' fire with fire
All wet yeah you might need a raincoat
thieves walking in broad daylight
Three hundred sixty five degrees
Burning down the house
It was once upon a place
sometimes I listen to myself
Gonna come in first place
People on their way to work
say baby what did you expect
Gonna burst into flame
My house
S'out of the ordinary
That's right
Don't want to hurt nobody
Some things sure can sweep me off my feet
Burning down the house
No visible means of support
and you have not seen nothing yet
Everything's stuck together
I don't know what you expect staring into the TV set
Fighting fire with fire
Burning down the house


WesternGrit said...

LOL... ROFL...
You forgot, "Blue Sweatervest Day"...

Mala Fides said...

Do Conservative members of Parliament actually think that Harper and his style of politics are good for the country?

They really need to think through how Harper has conducted himself and his campaigns.

Americans rejected the Karl Rove school of politics after years of buying into the lies and the endless waves of abusive and insulting television ads and slanted media coverage.

After witnessing the almost complete delegitimation of the U.S. on the world stage, why are Canadians not rejecting Harper's destructive and polarizing type of politics???

WesternGrit said...

Conservative politics is like being on drugs... Each addiction needs to run it's course. You have to learn your lesson the hard way. Besides, the Liberals, NDP, et al, lacked a credible PR campaign. Reason #100 for keeping government funding of campaigns, AND reducing election spending overall..

Mala Fides said...

In the world of Stephen Harper and his facsist oriented supporters, rules and the law are only to be applied against their opponents.

From the day Harper emerged onto the national scene, he has cried and cried about how awful the Canadian courts and judges are, yet he has launched lawsuit after frivolous and vexatious lawsuit against his opponents and against Canadian institutions.

I believe that Harper is in fact the only Prime Minister in Canadian history to have sued the Canadian government. The title of the Supreme Court case says it all, "Harper v. Canada"!!! This should be the epitaph on his political tombstone.

When Harper knows that he can not get around the law, he launches a raft of George Bush-style attack ads to dehumanize his opponents.

This guy, Harper, is UNFIT to be Prime Minister and if the Conservative Party had any decency , integrity or concern for Canada, they would rid the country of this disturbed and abusive individual.

RuralSandi said...

LOL well done. You forgot - succeeded and completed his dreams of dicatorship

I watched Obama speak yesterday reaching out to Republicans, calm, direct

Then I see Harper, vindictive, paranoid and liar.

Obama 47 years old
Harper 49 years old

Which one is mature folks?

Proof that youth isn't always the change or vision - it's about the "person".

Yappa said...

I think Blackwater may be too overextended to send troops. Harper could rally Americans who regularly hunt in Canada... they could patrol the skies from helicopters using automatic weapons, aided by ground "troops" in pickups with gun mounts.

To get to that point he'd have to fire the G-G and appoint a puppet. I imagine Brian Mulroney might be up for some deal-making today...